One muffin, One candle, One wish..

That's all I do on my birthday.

I've never really had a big deal made of my birthday, I mean when I was a kid I was always told that 'just wait till your 18th, we'll have such a big party, we'll make up an album of embarrassing baby pictures and shame you, all the trimmings'.

I'd never had a 'do' as a kid just a few ham butties and a game of musical chairs in the back room of my family home, my sister however had quite large party's in clubs with a DJ. I never got it, but always thought when they get round to it mine will be big enough to make up for it.

My 18th hit and it was the day after my fiance ripped out my heart. Seen Newmoon?..think Bella after Edward leaves and you about have how I was. I couldn't speak, I was in pain and I got dragged out to a BBQ of a strangers on my birthday and told if I 'didn't snap the fuck out of it I would be launched from the car', good old dad.

Soon after I left Manchester for uni, I wanted out and thought it would be the making of me, fresh start, of course when returning for my birthday the pitiful fact was my friends had moved on and no one turned up for my 19th.

My parents got divorced while I was away at uni, I didnt have anywhere to come back to for my 20th.

My 21st turned into the first awkward meeting of my dads girlfriend, who previously had told my dad she wanted nothing to do with his kids. In front of my boyfriend, best friend and her boyfriend and another close friend I was faced with embarrassment that turned to upset that turned to excessive drinking so later when we went into the hard rock cafe in Manchester me vomiting and being asked to leave was nothing.

Since then I've given up. Well I did have a change of heart last year but plans were ruined because I got swine flu and had to stay in doors for 14 days, when I was finally better and had cash my then best friend ruined my birthday plans with her lazy arsed attitude which subsequently on my appeal ended our 16 year relationship.

People laugh when I talk like this, they assume I'm putting a spin on it for funny effect but sadly no, this is and has been my life.. and I'm only talking about my birthdays here, just imagine if I added the rest.

So yeah, I stopped celebrating and I mean whats the point? I'm getting older even though my mind is still in the same place it was when I was 18, the worlds leaving me behind and another year has gone by with me hardly doing anything to talk about.

I may not celebrate, but I do have a tradition.

One muffin, One candle, One wish..and reflect on how far I've come since last year, even if it is at a snail pace.

Still single, Still skint, Still jobless, Still existing. Lighter though. One more person who walked out of my life, but looksee..I'm still standing. That's something :)

Just over an hour to go, I've just opened the wine which resembles something like drain cleaner but I'm drinking it regardless. Less than an hour left...Dance with me?

Track one:

Track two:

Track three:

Track Four:

Track Five:

A mixed bag but all EPIC :)

My Obsession : Ronnie

So I went to get some paper to make my shopping list for tomorrow..
... and Bam!



The mind wanders! quick Biro squiggle of lord Ronnie Radke.

Yes I am obsessed, but it's OK, I'm single, I need the distraction :)

It's nice to know I still know my way around a pen anyway, not that I'm tooting my own horn as such, it's just I haven't drawn anything in a very long while.

I haven't mentioned Ronnie in a while either, in fact I was supposed to write him again like 6 weeks back. My heads been somewhere else though. I don't know where it's been but I've been doing nothing, literally.

If only zoning out was a good excuse!

funnily enough my dreams of him stopped about 6 weeks ago too, until last night :) and no, no mucky dreams here. It's weird I fancy the arse off him but there's this thing in my head saying, be realistic it'll never happen and so I think I've banned myself from it. I should slap myself!

Patty Cake Patty Cake..

So I got all mumsey this week, it may have had something to do with a bit of silent goading, I bit to do with this whole pushing myself/ new boundaries thing I'm on..or this slightly scary nesting thing I'm going through but never the less it was Eccles festival this weekend and me and Cora were entering in the 'Bake a cake' contest. My slimming world is wrecked.

I have never baked a cake from scratch before, and only previously made one once in my entire life from cake mix, when I was in uni...and I vaguely remember the bottom dying on it, but students aren't fussy.

This was whole new ball game and we were ready! We are Hughes women and we are a force to be reckoned with dam it!


Victoria Sponge cake with a twist

Ingredients

225g/8oz flora light, softened at room temperature
225g/8oz splenda
5 medium eggs
225g/8oz self raising flour
Skimmed or 1% milk, to loosen (not always needed)
A dust of icing sugar
Strawberries
One tub of reduced fat creme fiche
Strawberry Jam
Paper for stencil

Preparation

Preheat the oven to 180C/350F/Gas 4.

Grease and line 2 x 18cm/7in cake tins with baking paper or use rubber cake tins
as i did and no need for all the bother.

Cream the butter and the sugar together in a bowl until pale and fluffy.

Beat in the eggs, a little at a time.

Fold in the flour, adding a little extra milk if necessary, to create a batter
with a soft dropping consistency.

Divide the mixture between the cake tins and gently spread out with a spatula.

Bake for 20-35 minutes, or until golden-brown on top and a skewer inserted into
the middle comes out clean.

Remove from the oven and set aside for 5 minutes, then remove from the tin and
peel off the paper. Place onto a wire rack.

Place jam and slices of strawberry on the bottom slice, add the creme fiche and
Sandwich the cakes together.

Cut out a stencil with paper into any shape you like, place over the top and
sieve on some icing sugar, decorate as wished.

TADAAAAAA!

We went to the festival and got rained on! and also made some cool free stuff, check out my badge EEEE


We came on second, but it was so a fix as the organiser won and also she's my neighbor and told me she had used a packet mix. she won £40 of HMV vouchers and I was gutted.


We were supposed to win chocolates and wine and a cook book, in the end we just got the books I have no idea where the other stuff went so someone somewhere had robbed me of a very indulgent Saturday night in! Tisk!

*just as I typed that there was a knock on the door and said winning neighbor handed me a bottle of wine with a scowl on her face saying because I'd rubbished her all over facebook for cheating maybe I'd feel better with the wine...I couldn't work out if she was joking or being serious. She said she hadn't used a packet mix in the end, she'd made it, it fell apart so had to make one from scratch..funny she never mentioned that yesterday after the contest when I mocked her as a cheater in all good humor...it was a very odd conversation..I think fences are now broken, shit*

My Birthday Wish List

Usually when someone asks me what I want I say 'nothing' honestly I never have anything I want or need or think that I can't get myself and on a different level I kinda don't celebrate my birthday all that much.

However this year I do have some wants.



1. The Twilight Saga - The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner
2. The Gilmore girls Soundtrack
3. A large tea cup shaped herb planter for my kitchen
4. The Twilight Saga - Eclipse Soundtrack
5. Cupcake salt and pepper shakers for my kitchen
6. A man? Sex maybe? at least I asked lol

My Race For Life 2010

So it got to be that time of year again and so dam fast as well! I hit my target Whoop! £100 plus pounds winging themselves toward cancer research. I didn't hit my target last year so I am really happy about that and slightly smug because I think it means I may have more friends than I did last year..which is a good thing to be smug about :)



* Most unattractive photo of me ever, I had just done an uphill stretch and had no energy and this was my response to my mum on the side lines who requested I 'do a funny face', Epic.*

This year I was doing the Race for life for My Nanna Mo who lost her battle with lung cancer in 2009 and who pushed me to give up smoking, slim down and give back. I also did it for a dear friend of mine, who has been a real support recently, who sadly lost her niece to cancer in may.



There were a lot of dog walkers this year and I ended up going over on my ankle avoiding some small black fluff ball on an extender lead, that had been dressed up in pink flowers.

I also moved to avoid being clipped in the heel by a wheelchair ( last year I was in the pushchair pit and had my foot slimmed so may times by menacing wheels ) in doing so, someone took a step into my leg.

With this and a gammy toe before I even started the race, I was impressed with myself, shocked as well at the sudden decision to sprint the last 500m, seriously it was like 'Oh, oh wow OK I'm running, I'm running why? go with it arghhhhh! tallllyyyy hoooooo!'

I actually heard someone in the crowd say 'wow someone woke up!' my time was just over 53 mins, last year I did it in just over 123 mins. Apparently for a beginner a 5 k walk should take about 45 mins, so I'm really happy with that, I mean it's only been my 2nd Race for life!



Other fond moments of the day include, Cora showing all the kids how to play chess ( she doesn't know how to play chess)...

Everyone being attacked by a giant dragonfly in the starting pit, the girly screaming was hilarious, it nearly landing on me, not so hilarious....

Losing my mp3 player...Having a mini heart attack....finding my mp3 player...

Having a picnic in Heaton park and then realising with a sudden gust of wind, 10 meters away from the porta-loo's wasn't a wise choice.

Doing the whole day and not passing out considering some drunken idiot woke me up at 5.16am banging on a door repeating 'I've lost my key, let me in' at volume.

And everyone ignoring the 'I race for' fence in which to put your messages on and pegging them to the tree instead :)



I can still receive donations until august so if you would like to here's the linkage

Click me now and give me money now to save a life!