One muffin, One candle, One wish..

That's all I do on my birthday.

I've never really had a big deal made of my birthday, I mean when I was a kid I was always told that 'just wait till your 18th, we'll have such a big party, we'll make up an album of embarrassing baby pictures and shame you, all the trimmings'.

I'd never had a 'do' as a kid just a few ham butties and a game of musical chairs in the back room of my family home, my sister however had quite large party's in clubs with a DJ. I never got it, but always thought when they get round to it mine will be big enough to make up for it.

My 18th hit and it was the day after my fiance ripped out my heart. Seen Newmoon?..think Bella after Edward leaves and you about have how I was. I couldn't speak, I was in pain and I got dragged out to a BBQ of a strangers on my birthday and told if I 'didn't snap the fuck out of it I would be launched from the car', good old dad.

Soon after I left Manchester for uni, I wanted out and thought it would be the making of me, fresh start, of course when returning for my birthday the pitiful fact was my friends had moved on and no one turned up for my 19th.

My parents got divorced while I was away at uni, I didnt have anywhere to come back to for my 20th.

My 21st turned into the first awkward meeting of my dads girlfriend, who previously had told my dad she wanted nothing to do with his kids. In front of my boyfriend, best friend and her boyfriend and another close friend I was faced with embarrassment that turned to upset that turned to excessive drinking so later when we went into the hard rock cafe in Manchester me vomiting and being asked to leave was nothing.

Since then I've given up. Well I did have a change of heart last year but plans were ruined because I got swine flu and had to stay in doors for 14 days, when I was finally better and had cash my then best friend ruined my birthday plans with her lazy arsed attitude which subsequently on my appeal ended our 16 year relationship.

People laugh when I talk like this, they assume I'm putting a spin on it for funny effect but sadly no, this is and has been my life.. and I'm only talking about my birthdays here, just imagine if I added the rest.

So yeah, I stopped celebrating and I mean whats the point? I'm getting older even though my mind is still in the same place it was when I was 18, the worlds leaving me behind and another year has gone by with me hardly doing anything to talk about.

I may not celebrate, but I do have a tradition.

One muffin, One candle, One wish..and reflect on how far I've come since last year, even if it is at a snail pace.

Still single, Still skint, Still jobless, Still existing. Lighter though. One more person who walked out of my life, but looksee..I'm still standing. That's something :)

Just over an hour to go, I've just opened the wine which resembles something like drain cleaner but I'm drinking it regardless. Less than an hour left...Dance with me?

Track one:

Track two:

Track three:

Track Four:

Track Five:

A mixed bag but all EPIC :)